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Poem by Robert Burns

The Following Poem was Written to a Gentleman who had Sent him a Newspaper, and Offered to Continue it Free of Expense

KIND Sir, Ive read your paper through,
And, faith, to me, twas really new!
How guessd ye, Sir, what maist I wanted?
This mony a day Ive graind and gaunted,
To ken what French mischief was brewin;
Or what the drumlie Dutch were doin;
That vile doup-skelper, Emperor Joseph,
If Venus yet had got his nose off;
Or how the collieshangie works
Atween the Russians and the Turks;
Or if the Swede, before he halt,
Would play anither Charles the Twalt:
If Denmark, any body spak ot;
Or Poland, wha had now the tack ot;
How cut-throat Prussian blades were hingin;
How libbet Italy was singin;
If Spaniard, Portuguese or Swiss,
Were sayin or takin aught amiss:
Or how our merry lads at hame,
In Britains court, kept up the game:
How royal George, the Lord leuk oer him!
Was managing St. Stephens quorum;
If sleekit Chatham Will was livin,
Or glaikit Charlie got his nieve in;
How daddie Burke the plea was cookin,
If Warren Hastings neck was yeukin;
How cesses, stents, and fees were raxd,
Or if bare arses yet were taxd;
The news o princes, dukes, and earls,
Pimps, sharpers, bawds, and opera-girls;
If that daft buckie, Geordie Wales,
Was threshin still at hizzies tails;
Or if he was grown oughtlins doucer,
And no a perfect kintra cooser.
A this and mair I never heard of;
And, but for you, I might despaird of.
So gratefu back your news I send you,
And pray a guid things may attend you!

  "Ellisland, Monday Morning," 1790.

"Remonstrance to the Gentleman to whom 
the foregoing Poem was addressed."

  Dear Peter, dear Peter,
  We poor sons of metre
Are often negleckit, ye ken;
  For instance, your sheet, man,
  (Though glad Im to seet, man,)
I get it no ae day in ten.

Robert Burns

Robert Burns's other poems:
  1. Epitaph on Wee Johnny
  2. The Cairds Second Song
  3. The Sailors Song
  4. Prologue, Spoken at the Theatre, Dumfries, on New Years Day Evening [1790]
  5. To Dr. Maxwell, on Miss Jessy Staigs Recovery

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