Poem by Alexander Brome

The Clown

1.

AH surra, is't a come to this?
That all our Weez-men do zo miss?
Esdid think zo much avore,
Have we kept veighting here zo long.
To zell our Kingdom vor a zong,
O that ever chwor a bore!

2.

Echave a be a Cavaliero,
Like most weeze-men that escood hear, o.
And shoor sdid wish 'um well,
But within sdid zee how the did go
To cheat the King and Countrey too,
Esbid 'um all vorwell.

3.

Thoo whun the club-men wor so thick,
Esput my zive upon a stick.
And about eswent among 'um;
And by my troth esdid suppose
That they were honester then those
That now do zwear they'l hang 'um.

4.

Was't not enow to make men vite,
When villains come by de and night,
To plunder and undoe▪ 'um;
And Garizons did vet all in,
And steep the Countrey to the skin,
And we zed nothing to 'um?

5.

But we had zoon a scurvy pluck,
The better Men, the worser luck;
We had knaves and vools among us▪
Zome turn'd, zome cowards run away,
And left a vew behind to try,
And bloudy rogues to bang us:

6.

But now 'tis a come to a scurvy matter,
Cham in the house of the Surgan-strater,
That have no grace, nor pitty;
But here they peel, and pole, and squeeze;
And when cha' paid them all their fees,
They turn me to the mittee.

7.

Like furies they zit three and three,
And all their plots to begger we,
Like Pilate and the Jews;
And zome do ze that both do know,
Of thick above, and those below,
'Tis not a turd to chose.

8.

But tho Echood redeem my grown,
Es went to London to compoun,
And ride through ween and weather;
Estaid there eight and twonty week,
And chowor at last zo much to zeek,
As when Es vur'st come thither.

9.

There whun's zeed voke to Church repair,
Espi'd about vor Common-Prayer;
But no zuch thing scould zee.
The zed the Common'st that was there,
Was vrom a tub, or a wicker chair;
They call'd it stumpere.

10.

Es hur'd 'um pray, and every word,
As the wor sick, they cri'd O Lord:
And thoo ston still agen,
And vor my life escould not know,
Whun they begun or had ado,
But when they zed amen,

11.

They have a new word, 'tis not preach,
Zdo think zome o'me did call it teach;
A trick of their devizing:
And there zo good a nap sdid vet,
Till 'twas adoo, that's past zun-zet,
As if 'twor but zun-rising.

12.

At night zo zoon's chwar into bed,
Sdid all my prayers without book read;
My Creed and Pater noster:
Me think zet all their prayers to thick,
And they do goo no more a leek,
Then an Apple's like an Oyster.

13.

Chad nead to watch, zo well as pray,
Whun chave to-do with zuch as they,
Or else Es may go zeek;
They need not bid a monthy vast;
Vor if zoo be these times do last,
Twool come to zeav'n a weak.

14.

Es waited there a huges time,
And brib'd thick men to know my crime,
That esmed make my peace,
At last esvown my purse was vat,
And if chwould be reform'd of that,
They wood give me a release.

15.

Esgid 'um bond voor neenscore pown,
Bezides what chad a paid 'um down,
And thoo they made me swear,
Whun chad a reckon'd what my cost are,
Es swear'd chood ene zit down aloster,
Vor by my troth chawr weary.

16.

Thoo when scome home esbote some beass,
And chowr in hope we should ha' peace,
Case here's no Cavaliers,
But now they zed's a new quandary,
Tween Pendents and Presbytary,
Cham agast they'l go by the ears.

17.

Esbore in hon 'twould never last,
The mittees did get wealth zo vast,
And Gentlemen undoo;
Uds wonderkins toold make one mad,
That three or four livings had,
Now can't tell whare to goo.

18.

Chazeed the time when escood gee
My dater more then zix of the:
But now by bribes and stortions;
Zome at our wedden ha bestow'd
In Gloves more then avore this wood
A made three daters portions.

19.

One om ow'd me three hundred pown,
Es zend vor zome, he paid it down;
But within three daies ater,
Ech had a ticket to restore
The same agen, and six times more;
Is'nt this a couzning matter!

20.

Whun chood not do't smot to black-rod,
A place was ne'r a made by God,
And there chowr vain to lye,
Till chad a gidd'n up his bon,
And paid a hundred more in hon,
And thoo smed come awy.

21.

Nay now they have a good hon made;
What if the Scots should play the jade,
And keep awy our King?
War they not mad in all these dangers,
To go and trust the King with strangers?
Was ever such a thing?

22.

We ha' nor scrip nor scrole to show▪
Whether it be our King or no;
And if they should deny an,
They'l make us vight vor'n once more,
As well's agenst'n heretovore,
How can we else come by'n.

23.

We had been better paid 'um down
Their vorty hundred thousand pown,
And zo a zet 'um gwine,
Vor cham agast avore the goo,
The'l hav' our grown and mony too,
Cham sore afeard of mine.

24.

Another trick they do devize,
The vive and twonty part and size;
And there at every meeting,
We pay vor wives and childrens pole,
More then they'l ever yield us whole,
'Tis abomination cheating.

25.

We can nor eat, nor drink; nor lye;
We our own wives by and by;
We pay to knaves that couzen;
My dame and I ten children made,
But now we do gee off the trade,
Vor fear should be a douzen.

26.

Then lets to clubs agen and vight,
Or let's take it all out right;
Vor thus they mean to sare,
All thick be right, they'l strip and use,
And deal with them as bad as Jews;
All custen voke beware.

1. To his Mistress (LAdy you'l wonder when you see)
2. On the Kings Return
3. Plain Dealing
4. The Wary Woer
5. The Damosel

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