Poem by Rudyard Kipling

«Barrack-Room Ballads». 22. Private Ortheris’s Song

My girl she give me the go onest,
        When I was a London lad;
An’ I went on the drink for a fortnight,
        An’ then I went to the bad.
The Queen she give me a shillin’
        To fight for ’er over the seas;
But Guv’ment built me a fever-trap,
        An’ Injia give me disease. 
(Chorus)   
Ho! don’t you ’eed what a girl says,
         An’ don’t you go for the beer;
But I was an ass when I was at grass,
         An’ that is why I’m ’ere. 
I fired a shot at a Afghan,
        The beggar ’e fired again,
An’ I lay on my bed with a ’ole in my ’ed,
        An’ missed the next campaign!
I up with my gun at a Burman
        Who carried a bloomin’ dah,
But the cartridge stuck and the bay’nit bruk,
        An’ all I got was the scar. 
(Chorus)   
Ho! don’t you aim at a Afghan,
        When you stand on the skyline clear;
An’ don’t you go for a Burman
        If none o’ your friends is near. 
I served my time for a Corp’ral,
        An’ wetted my stripes with pop,
For I went on the bend with a intimate friend,
       An’ finished the night in the “shop.”
I served my time for a Sergeant;
       The Colonel ’e sez “No!
The most you’ll see is a full C.B.”
       An’ . . . very next night ’twas so! 
(Chorus)   
Ho! don’t you go for a Corp’ral
      Unless your ’ed is clear;
But I was an ass when I was at grass,
      An’ that is why I’m ’ere. 
I’ve tasted the luck o’ the Army
      In barrack an’ camp an’ clink,
An’ I lost my tip through the bloomin’ trip
      Along o’ the women an’ drink.
I’m down at the heel o’ my service,
      An’ when I am laid on the shelf,
My very worst friend from beginning to end
      By the blood of a mouse was myself! 
(Chorus)   
Ho! don’t you ’eed what a girl says,
      An’ don’t you go for the beer;
But I was an ass when I was at grass,
      An’ that is why I’m ’ere!

1. The First Chantey
2. The Last of the Light Brigade
3. «Limits and Renewals». 1932. 12. The Threshold
4. «Limits and Renewals». 1932. 19. Azrael's Count
5. France

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