Poem by Arthur Conan Doyle

«The Guards Came Through» (1919). 7. Grousing

      "The army swore terribly in Flanders."

                                      Uncle Toby.

What do the soldiers say?
	"Dam! Dam! Dam!
I don't mind cold, I don't mind heat,
Over the top for a Sunday treat,
With Fritz I'll always take my spell,
But I want my grub, and where in hell
	Is the jam?"

What does the officer say?
	"Dam! Dam! Dam!
Mud and misery, flies and stench,
Piggin' it here in a beastly trench,
But what I mean, by Jove, you see,
I like my men and they don't mind me,
So, on the whole, I'd rather be
	Where I am."

What does the enemy say?
	"Kolossal Verdam!
They told me, when the war began,
The British Tommy always ran,
And so he does, just as they said,
But, Donnerwetter! it's straight ahead,
	Like a ram."

What does the public say?
	"Dam! Dam! Dam!
They tax me here, they tax me there,
Bread is dear and the cupboard bare,
I'm bound to grouse, but if it's the way
To win the war, why then I'll pay
	Like a lamb." 

1. «The Guards Came Through» (1919). 5. The Guns in Sussex
2. «The Guards Came Through» (1919). 8. The Volunteer
3. «Songs of the Road» (1911). 26. The Orphanage
4. «The Guards Came Through» (1919). 20. Retrospect
5. «Songs of the Road» (1911). 14. The Banner of Progress

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