On an Old Muff
TIME has a magic wand! What is this meets my hand, Moth-eaten, moldy, and Covered with fluff? Faded, and stiff, and scant; Can it be? No, it can't-- Yes, I declare, it's Aunt Prudence's muff! Years ago, twenty-three, Old Uncle Doubledee Gave it to Aunty P. Laughing and teasing: "Prue of the breezy curls, Whisper those solemn churls, What holds a pretty girl's Hand without squeezing?" Uncle was then a lad Gay, but, I grieve to add, Sinful, if smoking bad Baccy's a vice; Glossy was then this mink Muff, lined with pretty pink Satin, which maidens think "Awfully nice." I seem to see again Aunt in her hood and train Glide, with a sweet disdain, Gravely to Meeting; Psalm-book, and kerchief new, Peeped from the Muff of Prue; Young men, and pious too, Giving her greeting. Sweetly her Sabbath sped Then; from this Muff, it's said, Tracts she distributed; Converts (till Monday!) Lured by the grace they lacked, Followed her. One, in fact, Asked for -- and got -- his tract Twice of a Sunday! Love has a potent spell; Soon this bold ne'er-do-well, Aunt's too susceptible Heart undermining, Slipped, so the scandal runs, Notes in the pretty nun's Muff -- triple-cornered ones, Pink as its lining. Worse followed: soon the jade Fled (to oblige her blade!) Whilst her friends thought they'd Locked her up tightly, After such shocking games Aunt is of wedded dames Gayest, and now her name's Mrs. Golightly. In female conduct, flaw Sadder I never saw. Faith still I've in the law Of compensation. Once Uncle went astray, Smoked, joked, and swore away; Sworn by he's now, by a Large congregation. Changed is the Child of Sin; Now he's (he once was thin) Grave, with a double chin-- Blessed be his fat form! Changed is the garb he wore, Preacher was never more Prized than is Uncle for Pulpit or platform. If all's as best befits Mortals of slender wits, Then beg this Muff and its Fair Owner pardon. All's for the best, indeed -- Such is my simple creed; Still I must go and weed Hard in my garden.
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