Carolyn Wells

An Alphabet Zoo

A was an apt Alligator,
Who wanted to be a head-waiter;
    He said, "I opine
    In that field I could shine,
Because I am such a good skater."

B was a beggarly Bear,
Who carefully curled his front hair;
    He said, "I would buy
    A red-spotted tie,--
But I haven't a penny to spare."

C was a cool Chimpanzee,
Who went to an afternoon tea.
    When they said, "Will you take
    A caraway cake?"
He greedily took twenty-three!

D was a diligent Doe,
In summer she shovelled the snow;
    In the spring and the fall
    She did nothing at all,
And in winter the grass she would mow.

E was an erudite Ermine,
Who tried very hard to determine
    If he _should_ earn a cent,
    How it ought to be spent,
And decided to purchase a sermon.

F was a fussy Flamingo,
Who remarked to his family, "By jingo!
    I think I would go
    To that animal show,
But they all talk such barbarous lingo."

G was a giddy Gazelle,
Who never could learn how to spell;
    But she managed to pass
    To the head of her class,
Because she did fractions so well.

H was a haughty young Hawk,
Who affected society talk;
    But when introduced
    At a large chicken roost
He excitedly screamed out, "Oh, Lawk!"

I was an idle Iguana,
Who lived upon curried banana;
    With tears he'd protest
    That he never could rest
Till he learned to sing "Eileen Alanna."

J was a jimp Jaguar,
Who purchased a Spanish guitar;
    He played popular airs
    At _fetes_ and at fairs,
And down at the Fancy Bazaar.

K was a kind Kangaroo,
Whose bonnet was always askew;
    So they asked her to wait
    While they put it on straight
And fastened it firmly with glue.

L was a lachrymose Leopard,
Who ate up twelve sheep and a shepherd,
    But the real reason why
    He continued to cry
Was his food was so lavishly peppered.

M was a mischievous Marten,
Who went to the Free Kindergarten;
    When they asked him to plat
    A gay-colored mat,
He tackled the job like a Spartan.

N was a naughty Nylghau,
Who wandered too near a buzz saw.
    It cut off his toes,
    And the shrieks that arose
Filled all of the neighbors with awe.

O was an ossified Oyster,
Who decided to enter a cloister.
    He could not return,
    So continued to yearn
For his home in the sea, which was moister.

P was a poor old Poll Parrot,
Who had nothing to eat but a carrot,
    And nothing to wear
    But a wig of red hair,
And nowhere to live but a garret.

Q was a querulous Quab
Who at every trifle would sob;
    He said, "I detest
    To wear a plaid vest,
And I hate to eat corn from the cob!"

R was a rollicking Ram,
Attired in an old pillow sham.
    When asked if he'd call
    At the masquerade ball,
He said, "I'll go just as I am."

S was a shy Salamander,
Who slept on a sunny veranda.
    She calmly reposed,
    But, alas! while she dozed
They caught her and killed her and canned her.

T was a tidy young Tapir,
Who went out to bring in the paper;
    And when he came back
    He made no muddy track,
For he wiped his feet clean on the scraper.

U was a young Unicorn,
The bravest that ever was born.
    They bought him a boat
    And they set him afloat,
And straightway he sailed for Cape Horn.

V was a vigorous Vulture,
Who taught animals physical culture;
    When a pupil dropped dead,
    The kind teacher said,
"You needn't consider sepulture."

W was a wild Worm,
All day he did nothing but squirm.
    They sent him to school,
    But he broke every rule,
And left at the end of the term.

X was a Xiphias brave,
Who lived on the crest of the wave.
    To each fish he would say,
    "Good day, sir, good day!"
And then a polite bow he gave.

Y was a young Yellowhammer,
Who raised a ridiculous clamor;
    And he chattered until
    An owl said, "Keep still!
I'm trying to study my grammar."

Z was a zealous old Zibet,
Toboggans he tried to prohibit.
    If any one tried
    To take a sly slide,
He ordered him hanged on a gibbet.