Norman Rowland Gale

Uncle Bob Indignant

   ("Flannelled fools at the wicket")

  Come, poke the fire, pull round the screen,
    And fill me up a glass of grog
  Before I tell of matches seen
    And heroes of the mighty slog!
  While hussies play near mistletoe
    The game of kiss-me-if-you-dare,
  I'll dig for you in memory's snow,
  And where my eager spade shall go
    Uncover bliss for you to share,
        My Boys!

  As sloppiness our sport bereaves
    Of what was once a glorious zest,
  And female men are thick as thieves,
    With croquet, ping-pong, and the rest,
  Prophetic eyes discern the shame
    Shall humble England in the dust;
  And in their graves our sires shall flame
  With scorn to know the Nation's game
    Cat's-cradle; Cricket gone to rust,
        My Lads

  Ah, for a winged and wounding pen,
    In vigour dipped, to pierce the age
  When girls are athletes, not the men,
    And toughness dwindles from the stage!--
  When purblind poet cannot see
    That in the games he wishes barred,
  Eager, and hungry to be free
  As when it triumphed on the sea,
    The Viking spirit battles hard,
        My Sons!

  If you have need of flabbier times,
    Colensos, Stormbergs, Spion Kops,
  Tell cricketers to take to rhymes,
    And smash at once the cross-bar props.
  _When_ sportsmen, tied to sport, refuse
    To offer lead the loyal breast,
  To tramp for miles in bloody shoes,
  To smirch their souls, to crack their thews,
    _Then_ let the poet rail his best,
        My Hearts!

  Aye, if our social state be planned
    Devoid of giant games of ball,
  Macaulay's visitor will stand
    The earlier on the crumbled wall.
  Nerve, daring, sprightliness, and pluck
    Improve by noble exercise;
  The wish to soar above the ruck,
  The power to laugh at dirty luck
    And face defeat with sparkling eyes,
        My Braves!

  By George, there goes the supper-bell!
    And yet your duffing Uncle Bob
  Has never told you what befell
    When all his team got out for blob.
  So much for bad poetic gas
    That gets my ancient dander up!
  Well, to the banquet! What is crass
  Shall deeply drown in radiant Bass
    While we as Vikings greatly sup,
        My Hearts!