Andrew Barton Paterson

The Matrimonial Stakes

I wooed her with a steeplechase, I won her with a fall, 
I made her heartstrings quiver on the flat 
When the pony missed his take-off, and we crached into the wall; 
Well, she simply had to have me after that! 
It awoke a thrill of int’rest when they pulled me out for dead 
From beneath the shattered ruins of a horse; 
And althought she looked indifferent when I landed -- on my head -- 
In the water, it appealed to her, of course! 

When I won the Flappers’ Flatrace it was ”all Sir Garneo”, 
For she praised the way I made my final run. 
And she thought the riding won it -- for how could the poor girl know 
That a monkey could have ridden it and won! 

Then they ”weighed me in” a winner -- it’s not often that occurs! 
So I didn’t let my golden chances slip, 
For I showed her all the blood-marks where I jabbed him with the spurs, 
And the whip-strokes where I hit him with the whip. 

Then I asked her if she loved me, and she seemed inclined to shirk 
For a moment so I took her by the head 
(So to speak) and rushed her at it; and she seemed to like the work 
When she kissed me, though she blushed a rosy red. 

She’s a mouth as soft as velvet, and she plenty has of heart, 
I could worship every little step she takes; 
And the saddleng-bell is ringing, so we’re going to the start, 
Certain winners of the Matrimonial Stakes!