Robert Burns

Willie's Wife

WILLIE WASTLE dwalt on Tweed,
  The spot they ca’d it Linkumdoddie;
Willie was a wabster guid,
  Cou’d stown a clue wi’ ony body.
He had a wife was dour and din,
  O Tinkler Madgie was her mither;
Sic a wife as Willie had,
  I wad na gie a button for her!

She has an ee, she has but ane,
  The cat has twa the very colour:
Five rusty teeth, forbye a stump,
  A clapper tongue wad deave a miller;
A whiskin beard about her mou,
  Her nose and chin they threaten ither;
Sic a wife, &c.

She’s bow-hough’d, she’s hein shinn’d,
  Ae limpin leg a hand-breed shorter;
She’s twisted right, she’s twisted left,
  To balance fair in ilka quarter:
She has a hump upon her breast,
  The twin o’ that upon her shouther;
Sic a wife, &c.

Auld baudrons by the ingle sits,
  An’ wi’ her loof her face a-washin;
But Willie’s wife is nae sae trig,
  She dights her grunzie wi’ a hushion;
Her walie nieves like midden-creels,
  Her face wad fyle the Logan-water;
Sic a wife as Willie had,
  I wad na gie a button for her!