Pelham Grenville Wodehouse


A Solitary Triumph



[Statistics show that the number of criminal women 
is considerably less in proportion than that of male criminals.]

OH, the progress of Woman has really been vast 
    Since Civilization began. 
She’s usurped all the qualities which in the past 
    Were reckoned peculiar to Man. 
She can score with a bat, use a rod or a cue; 
    Her tennis and golf are sublime. 
Her aim with a gun is uncommonly true, 
    But Man beats her hollow at crime.
 
The strings to her bow are both varied and quaint; 
    There are maids who can work with the pen, 
There are maids who can handle the palette and paint 
    With a skill that’s not given to men. 
There are ladies who preach, lady doctors there are, 
    MPs will be ladies in time, 
And ladies, I hear, practise now at the Bar – 
    But Man holds the record for crime.
 
So it’s hey for the jemmy, and ho for the drill, 
    And hurrah for the skeleton keys. 
Oh, to burgle a house or to rifle a till! 
    I am more than her equal at these. 
She may beat me at home, she may beat me afield; 
    In her way I admit she is prime. 
But one palm at least I compel her to yield: 
    I can give her a lesson in crime.






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