Rudyard Kipling

«Barrack-Room Ballads». 44. M.I. Mounted Infantry of the Line

I wish my mother could see me now, 
                               with a fence-post under my arm,
And a knife and a spoon in my putties 
                               that I found on a Boer farm,
Atop of a sore-backed Argentine, 
                               with a thirst that you couldn’t by.
         I used to be in the Yorkshires once
         (Sussex, Lincolns, and Rifles once),
         Hampshires, Glosters, and Scottish once! (ad lib.)
                               But now I am M. I.

That is what we are known as – 
                               that is the name you must call
If you want officers’ servants, 
                               pickets an’ ’orseguards an’ all –
Details for burin’-parties, 
                               company-cooks or supply –
Turn out the chronic Ikonas! 
                               Roll up the –1 M. I.!

My ’ands are spotty with veldt-sores, 
                               my shirt is a button an’ frill,
An’ the things I’ve used my bay’nit 
                               for would made a tinker ill!
An’ I don’t know whose dam’ column I’m in, 
                               nor where we’re trekkin’ nor why.
         I’ve trekked from the Vaal to the Orange once –
         From the Vaal to the greasy Pongolo once –
         (Or else it was called the Zambesi once) –
                               For now I am M. I.!

That is what we are known as – 
                               we are the push your require
For outposts all night under freezin’, 
                               an’ rearguard all day under fire.
Anything ’ot or unwholesome? 
                               Anything dusty or dry?
Borrow a bunch of Ikonas! 
                               Trot out the – M. I.!

Our Sergeant-Major’s a subaltern, 
                               our Captain’s a Fusilier –
Our Adjutant’s “late of Somebody’s ’Orse,” 
                               an’ a Melbourne auctioneer;
But you couldn’t spot us at ’arf a mile 
                               from the crackest caval-ry.
         They used to talk about Lancers once,
         Hussars, Dragoons, an’ Lancers once,
         ’Elmets, pistols, and carbines once,
                               But now we are M. I.!  

That is what we are known as – we are the orphans they blame
For beggin’ the loan of an ‘ead-stall an’ makin’ a mount to the same.
’Can’t even look at their ’orslines but someone goes bellerin’ “Hi!
“’Ere comes a burglin’ Ikona! Footsack you – M. I.!”

We are trekkin’ our twenty miles a day an’ bein’ loved by the Dutch,
But we don’t hold on by the mane nor more, nor lose our stirrups – much;
An’ we scout with a senior man in charge where the ’oly white flags fly.
         We used to think they were friendly once,
         Didn’t take any precautions once
         (Once, my ducky, an’ only once!)
                                But now we are M. I.!

That is what we are known as – we are the beggars that got
Three days “to learn equitation,” an’ six month o’ blumin’ well trot!
Cow-guns, an’ cattle, an’ convoys – an’ Mister De Wet on the fly –
We are the rolling Ikonas! We are the M. I.!

The new fat regiments come from home, 
                               imaginin’ vain V.C.’s
(The same as your talky-fighty men 
                               which are often Number Threes2),
But our words o’ command are “Scatter” 
                               an’ “Close” an’ “Let you wounded lie.”
         We used to rescue ’em noble once, –
         Givin’ the range as we raised ’em once –
         Gettin ’em killed as we saved ’em once –
                               But now we are M. I.!

That is what we are known as – 
                               we are the lanterns you view
After a fight round the kopjes, 
                               lookin’ the men that we knew;
Whistlin’ an’ callin’ together, 
                               ’altin’ to catch the reply: -
“ ’Elp me! O ’elp me, Ikonas! 
                               This way, the – M. I.!” 

I wish my mother could see me now, 
                               a-gathering news in my own,
When I ride like a General up to the scrub 
                               and ride back like Tod Sloan,
Remarkable close to my ’orse’s neck 
                               to let the shots go by.
         We used to fancy it risky once
         (Called it a reconnaissance once),
         Under the charge of the orf’cer once,
                                But now we are M. I.! 

That is what we are known as – 
                               that is the song you must say
When you want men to be Mausered 
                               at one and a penny a day;
We are no five-bob Colonials – 
                               we are the ’ome-made supply,
Ask for the London Ikonas! 
                               Ring up the – M.I.!

I wish myself could talk to myself 
                               as I left ‘im a year ago;
I could tell ’im a lot that would save ’im a lot 
                               on the things that ’e ought to know! 
When I think o’ that ignorant barrack-bird, 
                               it almost makes me cry.
         I used to belong in an Army once
         (Gawd! what a rum little Army once),
         Red little, dead little Army once!
                                But now I am M. I.!

This is what we are known as – 
                               we are the men that have been
Over a year at the business, 
                               smelt it an’ felt it an‘ seen.
We ’ave got ’old of the needful – 
                               you will be told by and by;
Wait till you’ve ’eard Ikonas, 
                               spoke to the old M.I.!

Mount – march Ikonas! 
                               Stand to your ’orses again!
Mop off the frost on the saddles, 
                               mop up the miles on the plain.
Out go the stars in the dawnin’, 
                               up goes our dust to the sky,
Walk – trot, Ikonas! Trek jou,3 
                               the old M. I.!