Robert William Service

The Haggis

Said Jock to Jean: “Whit did ye do 
	Wi’ yon wee haggis, plump an’ grey, 
I carried home for me and you 
	To cheer our hearts on Hogmanay?” 

Said Jean to Jock: “I didna’ ken 
	It was a haggis – In ma doot 
I gazed an’ gazed at it, and then 
	I took the tongs an’ threw it oot. 

“Ye shoulda’ telt me. When you bought 
	It in the cat came at the run, 
An’ sniffed at it – I think she thought 
	’Twas something naughty she had doen. 

“Poor Puss! Wi’ shame she looked at me, 
	An’ did the best that she was able 
To cover it... Jist look how she 
	Scratched a’ the varnish aff the table!”